Tuesday, August 01, 2006

I Did Not Know What To Say

Ms M called in late for the meeting this morning which was scheduled for 9.30am. According to the message she left with the secretary, something very urgent came up and she had to attend to it straight away.

As the manager was wrapping up the meeting at about 11.00am, in walked Ms M into the conference room looking all red and flustered. She apologised, took her seat and tried to follow the agenda and a short while later, the meeting was over. The assistant manager Mr A then walked over to Ms M to brief her about the meeting. As he was running through his notes, he noticed that Ms M appeared confused and disturbed and was not really taking in what he was saying. On simple question, "What's wrong, Ms M" and the dam broke. This caught Mr A unawares and not knowing what to do, he quickly walked to my office to seek help.

When I went in to the conference room, Ms M had her head on the table still sobbing away softly. I approached her and asked if there is anything I could do and she broke into loud, heavy sobs again. After a minute or so, she calmed down a bit and related what had happened earlier in the morning.

As Ms M was leaving for the office this morning, she received a call from her son's school and she was told to go there immediately. Fearing that her son might have an accident or something, she rushed through the morning traffic to the school. Thank God, it was not. But what waited her was not any good either.

During routine checks in the school that morning, the son was found with 4 pirated copies of porn VCD hidden between the pages of his text books. The boy quickly denied any knowledge and according to the HM and discipline master, he accused some other boys of framing him. He made a ruckus swearing his innocence and God forbid, cursed the HM and the discipline master. He was then told that they will get his mother and that rascal actually challenged the HM to it. "Phone lah, phone lah. You phone who also I not scared. Phone the police ah, you think I scared meh?"

According to the HM, this is not the first time the boy was caught with VCDs in school. There was once a couple of months back when they found 1 pirated VCD(18+) in his bag and he was let off with only a stern warning. He must have gotten bolder this time around.

Ms M was really broken. When M had the boy, her husband decided to leave the boy under the grandma's care in their small home town. As much as Ms M was unhappy about the arrangement at that time, she had not much choice since both she and her husband worked long hours and travelled out of town frequently. By the time, they were able to bring the boy to KL, he was already 13 years old. Ms M and her husband had hard times trying to bond and discipline this boy who is really defiant. He lies and he steals from the parents. Two years into it, both husband and wife have not achieved much headway and they are really at their wits' end what to do next. And now this!

I was shell-shocked and did not know what to say.
 
posted by nyonyapenang at 10:09 PM, |

34 Comments:

  At 8:54 AM Anonymous suituapui said:
This is what happens when parents do not pay any attention to their children, dumping them at their grandparents or leaving them with babysitters. The signs are clear to see...but parents are often too caught up in their own business to notice. These kids are crying out for love and attention. They cause problems in school, refuse to study, take drugs...; some lapses into chronic depression heading towards a mental breakdown! Pity them! Parents, if you CANNOT be responsible for your own flesh and blood, don't have any!!! If you do and problems arise, blame yourselves! Don't blame others - their friends, the school etc! it's not their fault!
  At 9:07 AM Blogger savante said:
It's not the porn VCDs that surprise me, it's the sheer insolence. Not sure what can be done with the lil juvenile delinquent now but the blame unfortunately has to go to the parents.

Paul
  At 9:17 AM Blogger Ah Pek said:
haaiii... i dunno what to say either.
Parenting is so difficult these days.. cannot be too strict, and cannot be too lenient.
  At 10:08 AM Anonymous Anonymous said:
It takes a parent to understand another parent's woe, especially parent who have teenagers today. Please do not generalise that if the child turn bad, it has to be the parents. Different stroke , different folks. Now is not the time to find out who is wrong rather what went wrong and what can be done about it. All is not lost - this is part and puzzle of their teenage journey. Guide them well. This is their turbulence years. I know as I have a teenage son myself.
  At 10:56 AM Anonymous MLNS said:
I'm sure Ms.M & other half have their own hardship for leaving the boy with his grandparent. Afterall, no parent in their right mind would do that. It's going to be a difficult & uphill task to bring the boy back to the right track, assuming it can be done. A parent's worries are endless and the journey of parenthood is a long & challenging one. I can symphatize with Ms.M :(
  At 11:10 AM Blogger AceOne said:
*sigh*.. *sigh*.. *sigh* school childrens are very daring nowadays.!
That's what happen when parents under-estimate their children. Kids nowadays...haih...I also dunno what to say. Better listen to Cikgu STP's advice, parents.
  At 12:11 PM Blogger angel said:
I dun think I'll have any...

Errr, kids, I mean...

BTW, wa baru tag lu worrr... :D
  At 1:00 PM Blogger Helen said:
With the easy availability of porn, boys( and girls) at this age are bound to get curious. I'm not saying porn is right, but, it's not the end of the world either. :-)

Just hope your friend will continue to be patient with the boy. At his age, friends are more an influence on him than parents and relatives combined. Maybe try to limit his 'leisure' time with frens by cutting down his allowance. No money, no mamak and no internet cafes.
  At 1:35 PM Anonymous Anonymous said:
I agree with suituapui. Leaving your child with grandparents or maids is creating a gap in your relation with your child. You do not communicate with the child due to the distance or time restraint. I have seen so many cases whereby children turn to drugs or porn in my husband's hometown as parents are away in Singapore. Children only get to meet their parents less than 5 times a year! How to communicate with your child?

I agree it is hard to be a parent nowadays but that is the beauty of parenthood. Children brings joy to your life. I'm glad that my daughter is very close to me.
  At 2:27 PM Blogger sotongking said:
I have yet to have any kids but i do understand the difficulties of being parents.

Too much attention and they bcome spoilt. Too lil' same thing goes.
It's all about the perfect timing and lots of patience.But at the end of the journey of parenthood,it's either u get something in return or u suffered from it.
Cikgu STP,
in this particular case, the road ahead is long and tough but i hope the parents will not give up just like that.

savante,
ya, he behaved badly. alot of work needed on this model.

ah pek,
"shakes head"

las montanas,
tell me about it.

dear anonymouse 1,
this song:-
..."the road is lonnnng,
his welfare is my concern......"

hi mins,
welcome!
that's why i said 'I did not know what to say'
only can hope that Ms M stick it out.

aceone,
dengar itu cerita, gua pun terperanjat.

5xmom,
i sure trust Cikgu STP. he knows more and sees more as he's into the 'thick of things'

angel,
don't la lidat.
we need more lil angels. ;)

dear anonymouse 2,
ya, bonding is important.
that's why i used to tell my nephew to cut down on his travelling, if possible. the child might just call him 'Uncle' later.

sotongking,
play by the ear and eyes.
helen,
she needs loads of patience
you've brought up a charming young man - your style works.
sori MLNS,
salah-typed your name tadi. ;)
  At 8:44 PM Blogger Helen said:
:-) My boy is no angel but he's the kiasi type. My boy is a softie inside that is why he's easier to handle than most. lol

There is of course no sure-win method in bringing up kids. They're all so different, hor?
  At 10:04 AM Blogger sming said:
I'm not a parent yet and I'm afraid to be one. Because I'm afraid that I can't be a good one and end up with problematic children. More heartache !! ( like what I caused my mom last time :P)
But, I guess it is a rebellious stage. Hope the boy comes to his senses soon!!!
sming,
don't be afraid to start a family when you are good and ready.
listening ears, keen eyes, big and generous heart will help, i believe. ;)
Parenting, just when you thought that marriage is a commitment big enough to scare you away...
ianfluenza,
follow your parents' model and maybe tweak it a bit.
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