Monday, January 08, 2007

Ask, And You Shall Be Given

A long time ago, someone once commented about me, “Aiyah, Not everybody like you wan la, so proud a person. Just open the golden mouth and ask la. What’s the problem?”

And just recently, another friend said something similar. No, they were not referring to my poor sense of direction, whereby if I’d ‘prefer’ to go round and round rather than asking for help. Neither were they referring to any foolishness of not checking and asking if I do not understand how certain things are done. You see, one of my friends, Sue was ranting about some of her friends and relatives who appear to have no shame in asking again and again to borrow money and GOD forbid, without making attempts to pay back the amounts borrowed much earlier. And gentle reminders to the borrowers to return the money were more often than not, rewarded with a bad scowl. The above comments about me came when I said to Sue, “Aiyoh, lidat also can ar?”

You see, whenever a person opens his/her mouth to ask to borrow money, does this person ever thought about the position he/she is putting the lender in to? I guess not. The borrower is in most instances, more concerned about how and why he himself needs the money so urgently that he ‘overlooked’ the little inconveniences to the lender. “Ah, he’s my Bruder/Sista. He/She earns pots, so what is this loose change to him/her?”, might just fleetingly cross his mind.

This to me, is sheer selfishness. How convenient and easy; all he has to do is ASK and ASK and ASK. I have come across a few of these types too - they came to me with most urgency, and need IMMEDIATE help and I obliged in good faith.

And, I got my hand almost chewed off.

 
posted by nyonyapenang at 1:09 AM, |

33 Comments:

  At 1:42 AM Blogger angel said:
I remember your niece... or was it your nephew?

When we lend money hor, we just hv to be prepared not to get it back... sigh... sad, but true...
  At 1:44 AM Blogger angel said:
Oops.. I think I remember wrongly... that one wanted to just ask u to tumpang her somewhere, izit?

*in a daze because of the earlier Beauty Tea*

Haha... Nitenite, nyonya sayang!
Eh..urgent! urgent! lend me some money please! I sure pay you back wan...lol
  At 6:11 AM Blogger Will said:
that's why i don't usually lend or borrow money... so as to not have any money related issues later on
  At 6:43 AM Blogger FireHorse said:
I agree with angel, often when we lend money, I think it is as good as gone or at least we shud think of it that way.
  At 8:10 AM Blogger Wennnn said:
It happens all da time.. Ppl who need to borrow money very easy for them to just ASK but then when the lender ASk them bek for the money tat they hv borrowed wah the excuses can be more than a mile long....

Brothers, sisters, best frens all are the same when comes to money ...

Tat is why when come to lending just say NO lor not as simple as said but then like Angel said if we are goin to lend them so just prepare not to expect it bek lor!!!
  At 8:17 AM Blogger may said:
so far I've been lucky lor... haven't been asked to lend huge amounts out. asked to belanja, that one got many times lah!
  At 8:27 AM Blogger Bernard said:
Should be assessed on a case-to-case basis, i think. Sometimes there is a genuine need and the borrower is trustworthy. But it should not burden the lender either.
  At 8:50 AM Blogger JL said:
*lift hand* gua have had a few bad experiences. Dah kena also mmm sing muk to not repeat the same mistake, memang boloh la gua. Now gua will set limit & then like a fortune teller hoh try to read the muka whether can trust mia or not :)
  At 10:19 AM Blogger sengkor said:
once i got a fren who asked me to buy something on his behalf then he pays me back.... almost 1 year later. not huge amount but the pain in asking him back..
ya wor cos i loaned some money (in fact quite substantial amount) to a good friend like 1.5 years ago and he's not returned it. i've sent numerous sms reminders and called too and each time he will apologise and say yah yah soon soon...sigh...dun lend jadi orang buruk, lend end up a fool...how la...
  At 1:25 PM Anonymous mott said:
I kena before. Imagine, my contractor ask me for money because his customers didn't pay him yet. I was like, "eh..i got mouths to feed la...u go and chase ur customers la!"

Avoided him like a plague after that.
  At 2:17 PM Blogger Helen said:
IMHO, a person can ask, but don't be offended if the other party says NO.

Some people lend money to ppl because they're afraid to say no. I guess No is just as hard a word to utter as YES.
  At 2:22 PM Blogger Sasha said:
charge interest la...easy job
angel,
at first, wracked with guilt if don't lend out and later kicked ownself for being sooooo stoooopid. **sighss**

and today you woke up got extra beautiful or not? tell me lar, then I oso go and drink banyak-banyak.


cocka doodle,
kalo got marney to lend you hor, then you no nid to pay back also mo marn thai la. LOL

will,
there's a saying that goes something like this, "tok about marney, then no friends lor"

firehorse,
each time i tell this numbskull of mine to stay hard and firm, but in the end also dunno what happened. :(

wennnn,
all these sounds so familiar hor. :(

may,
if you got a windfall, then belanja no problem lor. but if every other day also ask for belanja, then maybe you can tell them, "woei, you recognize wrong marder, izzit?"
kakakakaa
  At 6:41 PM Blogger William said:
"Ask, And You Shall Be Given"

This applies to God, not people.
  At 6:49 PM Blogger See Fei said:
i am like you niece. kind of hard to say NO. but i am learning...cos got a family to feed now.
  At 7:39 PM Blogger _butt said:
Same case with my long time friend. It's not so much of an amount but overtime, as they say. 'sikit sikit lama lama jadi bukit'.. luckily she's smart enough not to ask me often now. She knows I don't like it.
bernard,
i have relatives and i have frens - not much difference between these 2, really. :(

jl,
perhaps, they see people like you and gua macam lembik mia lor.
i try to console myself and say, "Hey, thank GOD, I'm not like them."

sengkor,
i suppose you have to teat that as a present to him liao lor.

laundryamah,
heartache hor, kena treated like that by a good fren.

mott,
gua pun betul-betul tak faham what went through their minds. they'd come with all their sob-stories and hope that we turn out our pockets for them.

helen,
you are so right. say 'NO' also wrong, say 'YES' also jialat.

sasha,
wait until i get PhD in Alongology, then i consider your suggestion. LOL

william,
kenot apply in day to day living ar? LOL

see fei,
they come and borrow, i dunno how to say 'NO'. but when i asked for my money back, they said 'NO' to me wor. sei mou?

_butt,
at least you fren can sense that you don't like it. aiyoh, wait till you kenan those thick-skinned ones. LOL seriously, i hope you don't ever have to meet anyone lidat.
babez,

ask and ye shall be given :D
applies to God.

from my experience, sometimes people do get DILANDA oleh unexpected circumstances, eg. car in workshop after ENGINE died or gearbox died, FLOOD, or some other tragedy eg. boyfriend ran off with life savings (there are quite a few of these)

so in some circumstances, helping is good :D but at the same time only if u can afford too :D

but if to feed gambling, drinking, other vices...no lah.

itz good to pass the love around? money is just a concept...God give us more so we can help more people :D or so i believe :D
  At 9:53 PM Blogger Kak Teh said:
nyonya, there must be a limit and and God help us how to say No. And alo we must see how genuine the cases are, kan?
  At 12:16 AM Blogger AceOne said:
Aiseh..easy oni ma..if someone wan to borrow money, just said Today dun have tomorrow got la. Next day if she come and ask again, tell the same thing!!! kekekeke..!!! Leng mou?
  At 12:24 AM Blogger Vern said:
Yeah...it's very very unfair. they can ASK from us, but we cannot ASK the money from them back!!!
  At 2:00 AM Blogger ilene said:
Nyonya, Nyonya, can I borrow a small sum from you ah? CNY coming - need to buy new baju and also want a new car so I go visit relative can show off! Where and when can I meet you ah? I want to meet under coconut tree but I noticed of late don't where the trees all went!
  At 7:23 AM Anonymous Jemima said:
I'm currently debt-free.. don't want to start.. well, not for a while yet.. ;)
  At 7:41 AM Blogger savante said:
I think I need a loan too!

Paul
I seriously don't know how to ask unless really emergency like got no money to even eat
And even then to ask for 10 bucks is so hard
I find it hard to ask back also la....u know how bad it is? Loan money until I need to borrow from others to cover my own "hole"...sheshh
So far, luckily I have not been the target.
The only one who borrow money from me are my staff.
One of them actually borrowed the money for one year, come to work everyday, pretending nothing had happened! Beat that.
(I fired her later, for some other reason. The money is as good as gone)
freelunch2020,
seriously, when you hear the stories they are capable of coming up with ar, you'd think that if you don't give to them, they'll die standing there in front of you.
ya, i do console myself saying that i'm blessed not to be in their shoes.

kak teh,
i think i'm a 'sucker' for sob stories la. LOL

aceone,
lidat, they come and disturb me every day lar. tolong lar!

vern,
i got growled at. :(

ilene,
wait ar! gua dapat my 'Alongology Lesen' first, then gua kontek you. LOL

jemima,
very good!

savante,
psst....that can be arranged. lepas kerja, we jumpa outside the gate saja la. :D

zeroimpact,
honestly hor, if they teach this subject, "how to minta balik hutang' in Uni, also good lor. LOL

thompsonboy,
aiyoh, you ini klassik lar! kakakaka.....

yenjai,
kenot 'potong' from gaji every month ar?
  At 8:03 AM Anonymous Uncle Lee said:
Hi Nyonya, read with interest your comments. I was burned, bbq'ed and roasted twice long ago...learned a very bad lesson. No more. " The holy passion of friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it'll last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money ". [Mark Twain]
  At 4:03 PM Blogger Inevitable said:
Hmm.. susah oh. Lending is not difficult buy asking back the money is 10X more difficult...
nyonya, I don't want to appear as a heartless boss