Friday, November 24, 2006

Stoopid and Farny?

Today while driving, I got a call from the hotel I normally put up in whenever I visit Penang with my family. It went something like this:-

Me : Helloooo…

Zam : Good morning. Is that Ms Tan?

Me : Speaking.

Zam : I’m Zam from XXXX Hotel, Penang. How are you Ms Tan?

Me : Fine, thank you.

(Meself feeling all sexcited liao. Proly won free nights’ stay or some lucky draw)

Zam : Do you know a Ms Elizabeth Lee-something..something?

Me : Who is that?

Zam : I’m Zam from XXXX Hotel, Penang.

Me : I know la, you are Zam.

Zam : Ya, my name is Zam. Do you know Ms Elizabeth Lee?

Me : Who is she?

Zam : She’s not your fren ah?

Me : Huh???? I don’t have fren named Elizabeth. Why you looking for her?

Zam : Errr….ahhhh…

Me : She ran away without paying izzit?

Zam : Ya, ya, ya……

Me : Why then you look for me?

Zam : She checked-in and checked-out about same time with you on your last visit.

And I summore thought you gonna tell me I won a prize.

I just could not help laughing like a hyena. Like that also can ah? This is not those Rumah Tumpangan Red Lantern type of hotel la. It’s a well-known local hotel chain and they practice the standard registration procedure using identity cards/passports, verification of credit cards and collecting cash deposit and also recording the car plate number. Whoever caused this loss is sure gonna get her/his arse creamed thick.

And to Ms Elizabeth Lee, you champen la!
posted by nyonyapenang at 12:16 AM, |


  At 12:39 AM Blogger ikanbilis said:
yorr what hotel is that? mana nyonya? penang road there?

i want to go find and spy! maybe elizabeth still stay not as nyonya but use other name?

zam dunno how speak english wan, cacat lah!
  At 1:40 AM Blogger angel said:
really bodoh wan... happy flyday, nyonya! *hughug*
  At 7:23 AM Anonymous Uncle Lee said:
Hello NonyaPenang, wa..I this pagi reply your kind words at your 'Faux Pas' page and then about to switch off, my jurassic computer got to bang bang the monitor abit before close...nampak you buka another cherita about Penang. Gua senyum like kerang busok read your phone call from that gentleman. Funny how he dapat your number? But glad to see you have a good sense of humour, can ketawa at happenings. Gua now chiak paw siaw eng, actually makan biscuit only la....merepek sikit...
Your mention of the unexpected phone call reminds gua of the ones we used to get here. Imagine at 3am, my SMT (long time ago can call SYT,'Sweet Young Thing', now ada umur sikit, but not yet start to chew SMT 'Sweet Matured Thing')and gua tidur lelap, maybe me having dreams of Ursala Andress coming out of the sea in her white bikini (from JB movie 'Dr. No). Wa terperanjat hear the phone ring. Kita very nervous get phone calls after 11pm as sure got relative 'game over'. SMT looked at me, I look at her, switch on lampu, look at clock, I say, "alamak, don't tell me that busybody old aunty in Malacca suda at last tendang the pail"? Then answer the phone, in sleepy voice...3am mind you. "Hullooo..."? A lady's voice, sounding very fresh like baru minum Ovaltine with honey (Malaysians there very poor calculate the time difference there and here!)..."Guess who"?
3AM !!!...We get a 'guess who'? "Who"? I answer. "Aiyaa, you cannot recognise my voice ahhh"?
3am...and got guessing game starting. Somemore my SMT listening next to my muka, maybe thinking,'chilaka! ex-girlfriend calling...'? "I don't know who la.."? "Me la...Ah Sim laaa"! Wa...3am she make us do guessing games, I scratch my sleepy head then saying "who"? again..then suddenly remembered she one of our 'out-laws' (not in-laws as SMT side). Wa, we here more than 20 years, she last jumpa at our farewell dinner in 1980
at PJ Jaya Supermarket, then after all the shake hands and pelok pelok say 'goodbye, keep in touch' with crocodile tears thrown in for effect, etc...we never heard from her since, not even a 'Kong Hei Fatt Choy' card, or even a postcard from Simpang Empat. And now at 3am "guess who"? But of course my secret thoughts then was 'ahhh... aunty tendang the pail, got excuse balek kampong'. Instead now got overseas visitors ,"now got three children laaa", and self invitation to come tumpang our place. Cheeee! 3AM..and 20 years gone past!
Hey NonyaPenang, How was your trip to Penang? Cross by ferry or bridge? Not sure you know or remember that Penang one time 'Duty free Port'? Aiyohh, I can still remember older cousins and aunties in the car after shopping like gila in Penang Road, buying perfumes, beli baju...interior as well exterior ones...then after ferry reach Butterworth, ahhh, kena customs check. older cousins, aunties kau pei kau boh while we waiting in the long line-up quickly hide their Avon perfumes, shoes and baju...Maidenform bras under the seat or dudok on them make don't know. As the custom officer walking towards our car, cousins and aunties muka flush merah like as if saw a male streaker...they obviously cannot play poker buat bodoh pretend talk about the char kwei teow we ate earlier trying to look they not smugglers. But they cannot win Academy Awards for acting la, the officer see the ladies muka, not mine or father's, we main poker when weekends...terus ask, "tolong keluar motorcar". The complete silence in the car then, char kwei teow chats pun lupah...quieter than Church funeral service. Wa...imagine the officer pulling out the Maideforms, other unmentionables etc from under the front seat and side pockets. So of course the tipus left, right centre by cousins and aunties about how much they the end, still kena pay $20 tax!!!
Talking about Maidenform bras, here got something to make you senyum. Do you know how many types of Bras there are? Read on...and NonyaPenang, you have a nice day. Best regards, UL. BUYING A BRA: A man walked into the ladies department of Macy's, and walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife".
"What type of bra?" asked the clerk.
"Type?" inquires the man. "There is more than one type"?
"Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material. "Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only three types of bras," replied the salesclerk. Confused, the man asked what were the types?
The saleslady replied "The Catholic type, the, Salvation Army type, and the Baptist type. Which one do you need"? Still confused the man asked, "What is the difference between them"? The lady responded, "It is all really quite simple. The Catholic type supports the masses, the Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen, and the Baptist type makes mountains out of mole hills".
  At 9:29 AM Anonymous Angeleyes said:
wah.... which hotel is that ah??? Maybe i can go and get free nites too!!! hahhahaa
nyonya, I shudder to think that if this lady commited some crime, the police will also be knocking on your door because of this Zam's imagination...
  At 9:49 AM Anonymous ah pek said:
wahlau.. Uncle lee, you must start your own blog liao lah.
  At 10:23 AM Blogger William said:
"We were hoping that you know Ms Elizabeth because she left her 5 carat diamond ring in her room and we were hoping ..."
  At 10:41 AM Anonymous eve said:
ish ish potong stim hor?..kekekke...ya la..normally they r not so char one leh?..hotel ke?..rumah tumpangan?..
  At 10:59 AM Blogger sming said:
waa.. she memang pandai deduce hoh...
  At 12:59 PM Blogger AceOne said:
Wakaka..uncle lee writing essay ka?
  At 1:14 PM Anonymous mott said:
I think Zam trying to teach you how to "WIN" 3 days 2night "FREE STAY" at this hips and haps hotel la!!!!!! *HINT! HINT!*
ayor like that oso can ah! cannot be la, sure have deposit leow one...hotel very smart one, maybe she took things from the room or used the phone i guess rugi not a lot la!
Does he call up every guest who checked in and out about the same time as her?
Btw, donch you think uncle lee should start a blog? hahaaaa...
  At 3:54 PM Blogger just me said:
This is like reading 2 in lah.
Yes, uncle Lee, it has been unanimously decided that you should start your own blog since you have so many interesting stories to tell also lah!
  At 5:18 PM Blogger plink said:
I learned something new today:

Zam : She checked-in and checked-out about same time with you on your last visit.

I have so many friends! LOL

Please excuse me, I'm going to search for uncle lee mya blog.... ;)
  At 7:23 PM Anonymous Uncle Lee said:
Regret my computer system outdated like me. Ya, you guys are right re a blog. But NonyaPenang's comments brought back memories and I got carried away, cheong hay. Anyway, will just go thru all the blogs from now on, read only, maybe if gatal add 1 sentence.
Thank you and have a nice day. UL
kesian nyonya. maybe you wanna buat your own free stay kat hotel tu? but don check in as "elizabeth lee"
  At 9:00 PM Blogger sengkor said:
if u really got 1 elizabeth lee fren and u say 'yes', then u sure 'water wash also cannot clear'
  At 9:13 PM Blogger angel said:
haha, unker leeeee!!! dun marah... when ppl say u shud start a blog hor, it's a compliment! come la, start one laa...

oh, and i also wanted to comment abt SH Tan. i used to read Malaysian Post too during my teen years! how come now no more liao leh har, nyonya?

hallo? nyonya arr? u pengsan liao ah after reading unker lee mya komen? hehe... just kiddingggg!!!

got lidat wan meh hor? next visit must ask that fler how can get away lidis?

uncle lee,
kakakaka.....kerang busok...kakaka..
aiyoh, chio ka portor tiah liao la.
don't la bang, bang the jurassic piece; just give it some tender, loving caress and it should work fine - macam gua lidat la. LOL
stayed at that hotel many times, so they have my contact details.

uncle, lu chiak angmoh biscuit ah? oo siow tiok tausar pneah, heowh pneah, phorng pneah, roti jari, roti kapai boh? semua ini penang mia famous original lor.

gua pun macam uncle; bila dapat talipon tengah malam, gua always tioh cheh kiah - not good at all for this old heart. i got a few folks in penang sudah umur 90+, so i try to visit more often. tapi uncle dudok kanatai and to visit, kena naik plane sampai kha-chooi pnee(flat). oo khi hoay, toh lai kia and chit- toh lor.

wuaah, ah sim & family going to visit uncle after 26 years??? a reunion of sorts with malaya mia chin-chneah (relatives), great huh?

on the last few trips to penang, i used the ferry and i really enjoyed standing at the sides taking in the breeze. ya, i do remember the free-port status but at that time, i just could not understand why my mainland relatives would want to shop till they drop each time they came to the island. favorite haunts, sin seng lee and tong eng in penang rd as well as some other shops in sin kay (campbell street) and not forgetting the 'morlar' bazaar opposite cathay cinema. btw, did your parents treat you to ice-creams made from real durians at kek seng coffeeshop? hmmmm....yummylicious!

people say chiak ka lau, oak ka lau - how true. just learnt from uncle that there are only 3 types of bras. kakakaka....that's a good one.

uncle, you see, so many readers think you should start a blog. jurassic oso can pakai wan. we are all waiting to read and enjoy your stories. i'm so priviledged that you decide to pop by and pay me a visit.
beh hiao kin, uncle, barn-barn lai. if you have no plans to blog for now, please feel free to drop your stories here. cheong hei? NOT AT ALL! i welcome you with big drum rolls, always. just indulge me, ok?
**sayangz to uncle and family**


aiyoh, i neber thought about this wor? sot-sot tei thinking about winning prize summore.

ah pek,
ya, gua sapoter nombor satu.

aiksss....can also hor lidat? gua veli lurus bendul wan ler. ;)

hotel ler - dat's why gua pun tak paham macam mana ini boleh jadi leh.


put your hands together and welcome uncle lee, my new pengyew. ;)

where? where? itu 'hips' and 'haps' hotel. LOL

1st time in my life got this type of call from hotel pulak. siew sei yan mou?

king's wife,
if that fler can phone gua, not surprise ler he go and phone every guest jugak. sor ker hor?
yay, yay, you sapot uncle lee oso. ;)

just me,
veli happening hor, my blog?

dat's why blogging veli good - can learn many new things. LOL
uncle lee temporarily belum ada blog - so i welcome uncle to write here.
OK boh, uncle lee?

what a lulu,
errr... maybe can check-in as a
ms lulu loo. can hor?

wuaah, then i become fehmes la. LOL
  At 10:44 PM Blogger Bernard said:
Ms Tan, you've won a free stay at our hotel if you bring Ms Elizabeth Lee something something along.

Hahahahahaa.. uncle Lee, i love the bra types mia joke lah. I agree u should write your stories in a blog too.
got such ppl 1 ah?stay without paying?LOL

no cctv meh?
the hotel shud make you their promotions director liao.
yay, uncle lee sapoter oso.
tenkiu chay-chay.

hi 13th panda,
1st time here? a warm welcome to you.

i suppose it's true when we say "macam-macam pun ada". :D
oopss....soli, you came in when i was typing in my replies.

SH Tan went over to what uncle lee calls 'Happy Hunting Grounds' liao lo.

no, bo pengsan la. gua tengah learning the 3 types of bra from uncle lee.
  At 1:12 AM Anonymous Uncle Lee said:
Hello NonyaPenang, Warmest greetings to you from Canada, and really appreciate your very kind words (and enquiries) and moh isi, pai sei after going thru the many replies above re my constructing my own blog, if you'll forgive me I tumpang here to say 'thank you' to you, your members Plink, Bernard, Ah Pek, King's Wife, Aceone, Angel and just me, as well others for their kind comments.
1/ Re my own Blog, to be honest with you NonyaPenang and to all the above members...I have never entered any Blogs before here or Malaysia. Then a friend phoned, he very kaypor...told me about the "Mongolian Model" case going on in KL asked to read the NST and Star papers on the Net.(Have not done that ages)
Of course as usual chiak paw siaw eng, I checked out the sad story.
Then tangan gatal kliked thru the pages sini sana and somehow came across one gentleman's Blog whose name I recognised from old days and read and was about to tutup my pc when my eyes caught 'NonyaPenang' on the side. What with my love of Penang (Ipoh too) and women in sarong kebayas
and Penang food I became curious and buka your pintu. Wa...saw your icon or what you call it, the cute picture of Nonya ladies in sarong on your site.....gua kena sangkut like sang yui on a line and started going thru your cheritas, so informative, so interesting, so humourous as well...reading the many replies to your comments I realised how long I have been you and the members use local words as well newly minted ones I have not heard a long, long time...and believe you me NonyaPenang...reading the comments and replies my whole self got 'teleported' back to Malaysia. And your sentimental as well hilarious comments brought back 'Feelings' and 'memories' and same time learning what's going on in Malaysia.
Would you believe I had to copy down some of the words you and your members use and phoned a neice in KL to ask for the meanings. The rest you know.
2/ My computer even though ada 21 inch monitor (previous one died on me!), my system suda 13 years old and tada all those hi-tech stuff I see you all ada. Mine okay for emails to cheeky neices and friends here. My old kakis in Malaysia prefer changing grandchildren's diapers than fool around on computers.
After seeing your very nice designed Blog as well all the others (ya, I peeped into all the others from the names on your site)...I thought why not I also start one, designed something Canadian too.
But after many attempts, head scratchings and kopi ohs and smoking my pipe like KTM arriving Ipoh station...cannot la,(incidentally I type satu finger only, never learned to type before this) my Jurassic system tada all that whatever you need to do pictures or make designs like yours. Only can email and look at news and best of all allow me to collect Oldies songs from the Net, itu la dia.
So NonyaPenang and all you nice members...regret unable to have my own Blog.
But thank you for your kind thoughts. I feel very sentimental over this old, antique computer, and sayang to 'retire' it get one of the latest systems. Anyway...maybe satu hari, Best regards, UL.
  At 1:48 AM Blogger savante said:
Why? THey think you Elizabeth punya kawan ah?
  At 10:50 AM Blogger Chen said:
i can't help but to laff when I read this....
really beh tahan this Zam :D
uncle lee,
my kepala kembang liao with all your kind words. to be honest with you, gua pun very low-tech, circa 1900 mia. i started with reading blogs and then i pun rasa tangan gatai/mulut gatai dan mau blog oso. i got my 2 boys to help me set up a simple site - uncle can go to and they'll guide you step by step. take your time and barn-barn lai. whether you set up a blog or not, it's ok with me. just feel free to write your stories here - you're more than welcomed. uncle mm sai khek khi. come and phak-khok and kong kor(share stories) with me, anytime. the pleasure is mine.
have a great weekend!
perhaps uncle lee would to indulge me with the blogname of that sweet gentleman?

they simply tembak saja ler. ;)

dr chen,
gua pun beh tahan. they siao-siao wan. LOL
OMG...nyonya got new fansi! hor...uncle lee....start a blog sure u have lotsa sexciting penang stories to tell....
i oso bolehkira 1/2 penang lang....normally i like to stay at theGurney. Best hotel in penang!! :)
  At 12:27 PM Anonymous Uncle Lee said:
Hello NonyaPenang, Once again thank you for your kind and warm response, and especially your infectious sense of humour. You know, because of your 'Nonya' site here, I am learning what Blogging is all about having peeped at the other names/members on your page too. But being incognito and letting the imagination run riot who is at the other end of the Blog brings to mind Frank Sinatra's "Strangers in the Night". Now I know the appeal of blogging. To answer your queries...
1/ Re those tongue twisting Penang biscuit names "...pneahs", yes I love them. I remember buying some at that road leading to 'Kek Lok Si' Temple long, long ago.
2/ Yes, the flight to balek kampong is more than 24 hours and the reward of 3 days jetlag. But I shall return!
3/ really jolted my memory with your mention of those road and shop names. How I miss walking down those roads or 'fivefootways' getting my head knocked by hanging bags, rattan handicrafts etc. You made my day, NonyaPenang! Penang road, Cambell st.,..... used to kachow (date) those lovely cosmetic salesgirls there.
4/ Ice cream with real durian? Read that almost got to tarek out my tissue lau nuar. Aiyohhh! How to forget that NonyaPenang? But it was a SYT who introduced it to me, ha ha.
Forgot the name of the SYT but can remember the scent and taste of that kuning ice cream, moh tak teng!
With all the above, you really brought Penang to me. Thank you.
By the way, I think I still hold the World record for changing a car's flat tire, in Penang.
(This in late 60's) It was almost 2am when I dropped of a SYT after a dinner and drinks at E&O at her home in Vale of Tempe. Driving off with my cassette playing and thoughts of my lovely companion...when suddenly I heard "plup..plup..plup" and thought how come got helicopter flying over my car and tried to look where it was? Then alamak! Realised my tire 'ponchet'!
Of all the places, of all the roads, of all the nights I have to get a flat tire right next to that graveyard. And no moon too! 2AM!! It was so dark, nobody about, so quiet and there I was kelang kabote searching for my flashlight
and sweated (shiver more likely!) putting on the spare tire same time trying to whistle a tune, cannot la, mouth dry. Can you imagine if someone had tapped my shoulder then say "hello incik..". Then it won't be record tire changing but Olympic record for running.
Before I say goodnight, I told you about getting that 3am phone call. Next day must tell you a most unexpected, unusual cherita of how a sealed, faded letter from Penang took almost 30 years to find me here in Canada, no address, only my name on envelope.
So you see NonyaPenang, Penang always brings back memories. Goodnight to you.
Will dream of that durian ice cream tonight. UL.
uncle lee,
hahahaha....we're on telepathy or what? i was typing in my reply to you at about 12.04pm and you came in at about 12.27pm.
uncle, you're a real 'happening' man in your youth - kacauing those cosmetic salesgirls(famous brands like yardley and revlon) and went phaktor until 2am. your SYT mia rumah dekat 'peh hoon suah' sana ya?
no wonder you mentioned you helped that lady selling goreng pisang or something, retire early. LOL
so you must have impressed your sweetie very much hor, single-handedly changing tyre and all - ahhh.... such hands-son mia gentleman mesti kena pegang tight-tight liao, doesn't come a dime a dozen, ya?
there are many more places and things which i wish could be able to jolt your memory a little and hopefully bring a smile to your face and put some warmth in your kind heart.
keep those words coming, ok?
thanks for making my day too. :D
uncle lee, your earlier response you mentioned you and SMT 'not yet start chew serai'. i believe you meant sireh (as in lau heok).
serai (as in chang mau) is for cooking mia.
btw, you kena chided by your elders for being a 'lau heok chian' or not?
remember anything like this?
oni 1/2 penang lang ah? but just as good.
gurney best ah? must try next time. thanks alot.
  At 9:26 PM Anonymous Uncle Lee said:
Good morning NonyaPenang.
Aiyaa, moh isi, pai sei la chat cheong hei cheritas in your blog. But seriously,... going thru your blog and all the replies and comments I'm going to phone my friend's son later who practically uses his computer for a 'lum chum' ask him how to get my Jurassic pc to construct a Blog? Hopefully boleh la. So bear with me till then, moh isi, huh. (Got talent kachow girls, boh talent on computers la!) But enjoy talk about Penang la.
"FRIENDSHIP: A building contract you sign with laughter...and break with tears".
To answer your queries:
1/ Re that "sweet gentleman" because of his blog I discovered yours? So glad I did too. (Feeling young again past few days, ha ha) It is ' I used to listen to him on the radio and laugh at his jokes and comments. I remember he has a nice deep voice too. (Funny! Can remember about his voice, but cannot remember that SYT who introduced me to that delicious durian ice cream. Cheh! Where got hope like this?). Okay, I read his Blog then turun down saw "Helen of Ipoh" (wa, at first thought 'Helen of Troy') among all the others and apart from Penang I still love Ipoh too, so I buka her pintu, and added my .25 cents worth inside, then turun down saw "NonyaPenang". Itu la dia! And me with SBC (Straitsborn Chinese) DNA/genes too. The rest you know.
2/ Re my SMT not yet chew 'serai' are right la, its "sireh" (lau heok). My grandmothers, couple of aunties old days chewed that. You should see the 'graffiti' they made too when gossiping outside in the garden.
3/ Re my elders say gua "lau heok chian", those were the diplomatic words of choice, but I bet behind my back...maybe they whisper among themselves words cannot say loud, ha ha.
4/ Re the gorgeous cosmetic SYT's I kachow/dated...aiyohh, you mention two brands, that got also, but I better not mention the other brands as even though now all the gorgeous SYT's (bet all never missed the tongkang or had to throw oranges Chup Goh Mei nights) 'Ah Pors' with 8 or 15 grandchildren, someone might come across your blog and habis pecah lobang, ha ha...lagi worse the 'Ah Kong's' put 'contract' on this age too.
5/ But back early 60's I was a very strong devotee of this saying:
"First the Engagement ring, Then the Wedding ring,...Then the SuffeRing". Ha ha.
You know NonyaPenang, last night gua already planned if my son's friend can help me construct a blog...ahhh, maybe my 'Titles' can be, "To all the girls I loved before, Moonlight Serenade, I did it My Way, Beyond the Reef, Love is a Many Splendoured Thing, The 60's Gentleman's way of Dating, What to do, what not to do on a 1st and 2nd date'(don't mention about 3rd)...ha ha ha.
By the way, I bet you had some good times at E&o too, ah? Maybe I brushed against you and your handsome partner when waltzing "The Loveliest night of the year"? Okay, got to chiak my breakfast now. Bye, UL.
PS: Thank you for your kind compliments. OOps! Forgot this...yes, re that goreng pisang lady at Vale of Tempe. Knew two SYT's staying there, she pun mabok see different ones in my MGB.
So I kena "punished", kena tire ponchet at night by graveyard!
  At 9:28 PM Anonymous vern's mommy said:
hello nonyapenang, when vern guaranteed me tat i wl surely enjoy your blog she sure wasn't kidding. even uncle lee (typing with one finger ) can't resist but join in with his comments. Don't ever stop blogging, please! It's always nice to drop in here after visiting vern's blog. Enjoy kak teh's blog too.
vern's mommy,
aiyoh, paiseh la. this blog gua merepek saja; no fixed theme and no rhyme and no reason mia but chap-chap lap-lap wan. like uncle lee said, gua pun chiak pah siaw eng. i'm very happy and honoured that you do take time to pop by. make yourself at home, ya?
perhap, you may want to consider starting your own blog. or you already have one? do direct me there, ok?
regards and have a great weekend! ;)
uncle lee,
gau chah/selamat pagi/good morning. belum chiak breakfast cepat-cepat lai visit gua liao ah? gua veli, veli happy leh. beh hiaw kin, barn-barn chiak and enjoy with your SCD (sweet, cuddly, darling).
uncle, macam tidur tak nyenyak semalam, ya? gua sudah give you blog-fever ya? hahahaha.....
gua can almost sense your excitement about starting your own blog - semua title pun siow pean-pean liao (thought out ready)! gua pun beh tahan mau baca your all your cerita - almost bursting liao la. LOL
no worries, your fren's son will help you get your blog up in no time. it's easy peasy for him when you mentioned that the computer is his lum charm.
best regards.
yours in anticipation
nyonyapenang ;)
  At 11:31 PM Anonymous Uncle Lee said:
Hi NonyaPenang, breakfast suda makan, Saturday morning newspapers suda, chiak pah siaw eng I tell you some things now first to ponder awhile, meantime I will light my pipe and scratch my head and type out the story of how my past caught up with me, an old, faded with age sealed letter, no address...just my name only found me here in Canada after about 30 years, from Penang.(no names, actual locality)
Meantime what you think of this: MARRAIGE SAYINGS.
(Hope Sming don't notice this, ha ha ha).
"Marraige is not a word. It is a sentence...A Life sentence.
Marraige is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached.
Marraige is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marraige is an Institution for the blind.
Marraige is an Institution in which a Man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Master's.
Lastly...Marraige certificate is just another word for a work permit".
Now you know, ha ha. UL.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
uncle lee,
nothing like a good breakfast to start the day, ya?
hahahaha.....early, early lu make gua laugh so much. no complaints actually - laughter helps me stay young.
uncle ada banyak cerita and anecdotes to share. please keep them coming. i'm kinda addicted liao, sei mou? LOL
  At 12:27 AM Anonymous Angeleyes said:
wah...Uncle Lee and Nyonya relay in here ah??? So cute lar Uncle Lee... I also like to read your responses... a blog for you is a must! Right Nyonya?
  At 2:49 AM Blogger angel said:
hahaha, unker lee very liuliu farnie! me thinks unker lee sure is romeo wan last time haha... always khao lui maa... hehe... unker, lu very ichiban!!!

*wonders if unker lee pernah kacau nyonya*
hahaha... just kidding nia laaa :P
  At 3:33 AM Anonymous Uncle Lee said:
Hi NonyaPenang, moh isi I tumpang here answer Angeleyes and especially to Angel.
Angel, I like you la, so cheeky, ha ha. My time those days I think Nonya still in Form 2? Or still in diapers? Or maybe 15 ada 3 boyfriends already? No la, gua so much older then, don't kachow very young girls, get nama "cradle snatcher" susa ohh, bad reputation. Also Penang fathers got big tongkat at home la. (wa, very diplomatic here, huh?) so like the saying goes....
"Never monkey with another monkey's monkey, unless you are King Kong". I only small monyet then.
Moh kaw siew ohhh. Ha ha. UL.
  At 7:04 AM Anonymous Uncle Lee said:
Hi NonyaPenang, Its Saturday evening here now and you very early hours Sunday morning. Gua ou eng now so will tell story.
(Actual dates/time/names/location withheld).
I have previously told you of that 'guessing game' 3am call) but this cherita more heavy drama. Why I bring up this cherita partly you being a Nonyalady and maybe note the warmth and sentimentality (or beauty) as well concluding in yours and my favorite city.
This happened some years back here. It was around noon, I was busy starring at my Jurassic computer at stocks and shares at home when my phoned rang. It was a man, with a typical Malaysian accent whose voice I didn't recognise. The voice sounded like a matured man.
I answered the phone and he replied, "please excuse me but is this Mr XXXLee"? "Yes...may I help you"? He answered,"Mr Lee, I am from Malaysia here on holidays. My wife and I arrived yesterday evening. I was given an envelope by a friend's friend who thinks you are residing here". "Go on", I now intrigued, encouraged him, but noted he did not introduced himself yet. "Mr Lee, as we do not have your address on the envelope, only your name, to confirm you are the Mr Lee the envelope is meant for... had to look at your phone book, got so many 'Lee's too".
I have been asked by the mentioned friend to ask you three questions only the real Mr Lee will know, before handing you the envelope, hope its alright with you"? Thinking I can't be the rescipient but curious answered,"sure, go ahead".
He then asked me the first question which really shocked me! Something to do with a house or room I rented long, long ago in a town in one of the States (not Penang) what was growing in the front garden? I immediately stood up from my chair shocked and surprised as I knew the answer as well the person. You can imagine what went thru my mind then. My hand reaching for my cigarette to calm myself, stock market now forgotten. With a hesitating voice I answered him, "a big Flame of the forest tree". "Correct, Mr second question", and again I answered him correctly, something to do with what was in the front room of the house next to the windows. My mind now conjuring all kinds of thoughts as it has been about three decades since I last saw this person. "Mr Lee, you have answered both questions correctly and obviously you are the Mr Lee we looking for, but final confirmation, please tell me the nickname of the person in the house". My voice shaky as I told him memories flashing in my mind flooded me.
"Correct! You are the right gentleman. Mr Lee...tell me how can I hand the envelope to you, in strict confidence of course if you understand what I mean"? I knew what he meant and answered, "tell me where you staying"? He gave me the name of a big hotel downtown and then said, "well, since you are the Mr Lee we looking for, I better tell you my name, It's XXXX". "Mr XXXX, what time you going out tomorrow morning, you on a conducted tour"? "Yes, but tomorrow is a tour of your beautiful city..and yes, we leave the hotel at 9am".
I said,"okay, I know the hotel, I will meet you at the front lobby at 8am...okay with you"? "Oh yes, you can join us for breakfast too". "Thank you Mr XXXX but coffee will do...and I certainly would like the pleasure of buying you and your Mrs either lunch or dinner i.e. if you have a free day or time"? "Thank you Mr Lee, I let you know tomorrow morning, okay"?
We then exchanged some pleasantries and hung up.
From that moment onwards I behaved like a father in a maternity ward wife about to give birth, talk about stress! The whole day my thoughts of that person I knew, what is going on? Why only now contact me? What did I do? What happened? So many thoughts. Sleep that night did not come easy as well I had to behave like normal even though apprehensive and worried what is in the envelope?
To be continued. UL
  At 8:47 AM Anonymous Angeleyes said:
wah...Uncle Lee you keep us in suspense with your cerita ah???? Your ex-ex-ex lover bore you a child?????????? Or you have a sudden inheritance????
  At 9:12 AM Anonymous Uncle Lee said:
Hi NonyaPenang, how's your Sunday weather there? Our temp now gila, gone up to 8'c, as we say here "t-shirt weather", ha ha.
Sorry had to potong the cherita 'to be continued' but had to get my camera equipment and accessories ready for tomorrow morning (Sunday) as SMT invited to sing in a X'mas choir for children and Seniors wants some photos taken.
Ohh, incidentally, portrait photography is my hobby. And fishing of course. (in Malaysia apart from the two, enjoyed target shooting (with handguns) as well competition shooting few times.) Have taken portraits of our friend's isteries and daughters here in sarongs and cheong sums and of course other clothes and rewarded with,"ohh my God! that one me ahhh"! And husbands on seeing the developed prints of their matured wives in sexy, provocative poses in the sarongs and cs(but still legal, ha ha) exclaiming, "aiyaa!! That one my wife ahhh"? Ha ha, suddenly after 25 years marraige realising how sexy his wife can be. Thats my reward...everyone happy. Of course got assam fishhead curry dinner invitation at their home.
Okay, to continue the cherita............
Part 2: I arrived at the hotel 15 minutes early and about to sit down in one of the leather sofas when I suddenly realised we, or I had forgotten to described myself to him! So feeling very apprehensive, I kept an eye on the elevators opposite wondering who he is, how come he masuk into this story when I noticed one of the elevator doors opened and saw a matured Chinese couple among some orang puteh's. As the hotel is huge, big lobby I could see him and wife looking all around as I stood up and walked towards him. It must be him I thought as his wife seeing me approaching nudged him nodding towards my direction.
"Mr xxxx, I presume"? He smiled, "ahhh, Mr Lee, good morning, how are you"? I laughed,"worried and nervous". He laughed, "don't worry Mr Lee, I don't think anything serious...oh yes, meet my wife XXXXX". We shook hands, exchanged pleasanteries and walked to the coffee lounge for breakfast included in their tour package. I ordered coffee and feeling worried asked,"you mind if I smoke"? "Oh no..go ahead"
We then chatted for a few minutes as he joked how he had tried more than 5 Mr Lee's in the phone book, getting some funny replies, even a rude one too "he thought maybe I bill collector or Income tax man la and bang the phone down! But I knew cannot be you as was informed you a professional gentleman".
He then took out the sealed envelope from his jacket pocket and handed it to me. I thanked him and looked at the envelope as he and wife ate their breakfast. I did not open the envelope as I looked at it was about 9"x6" and looked new as I pressed it gently and guessed there was another envelope or envelopes inside. I saw just my name only on the front and the words on top, "Strictly confidential. Your eyes only", and looking at the back saw the following sentences; "Mr Lee, inside two sealed envelopes for you marked 1 and 2. Please open no. 2 first. Thank you". Nothing else. The mystery now really becoming like an Alfred Hitchcock movie.
I then put the envelope into my jacket and chatted with Mr and Mrs xxxxx about their holidays here, then enquiring about my lunch or dinner offer, "please let me buy both of you dinner or lunch for all your troubles". He and wife accepted my offer, "we have a free night tomorrow, okay with you"? "Oh yes, sure...I will come and fetch both of you at 7pm, take you for a real Canadian makan at a place I know, you'll love it".
He then finishing his breakfast then told me the story of the envelope and how it got into his hands only two weeks ago.
Oops, got to continue tomorrow,..dinner ready, then ada 3 Saturday night movies till past 1am. Goodnight NonyaPenang. UL.
  At 9:56 AM Anonymous marsha said:
I am also gonna salute this Miss Elizabeth!! Champion lah. I never thought of doing that hor? Maybe I can do that in my next Penang trip or something.
  At 10:52 AM Blogger sengkor said:
how come reading uncle lee's story i got this footage of the old james bond movie geh..?
uncle lee,
gua baru bangun sunday, so gua indulge dakap puluk longer sikit la.
it's a fine sunday morning and i got a lunch appointment to keep.
uncle tak usah say pai seh with gua la - just treat this blog as your own; eng eng lai chay and phak khok with me. gua mia other blogger frens pun enjoy all your kor-soo la.
uncle ada exquiste hobbies - shooting and fishing; both also very good for tackling swee charbor wan. i can hazard a guess liao how uncle was a young and dashing romeo zipping around in his flashy MCD. susah mau resist lor.

uncle, your cerita banyak suspense la. i'm like gritting my gigi and holding on to my bangku liao la. so uncle after your project at the choir, mesti cepat-cepat continue, ok?
warmest regards.
have a great sunday!

suspense betul, ya? LOL

gua check gua mia archives dulu, ya?
  At 1:25 PM Blogger Uncle Lee said:
Hi NonyaPenang, good morning to you. My friend's son came earlier to assist me construct my blog. Tv pun no chance tengok la.
Its done, completed but need testing. So if free try me. Hope okay. UL.
hi marsha,
i also dunno how she did a houdini lidat? on my next visit there, i must ask the hotel again their registration & check-out procedures.

uncle lee,
keong hee! keong hee! gua sudah pergi bang down your pintu liao. :D
  At 6:07 PM Blogger jazzmint said: that oso can..itu hotel fella really can *fix* things up :P
gua pun rasa cukup suspense liao. ;)
dunno what system the hotel uses. ;)
Hihi... nice to meet you today. You are sooo farny. ;)
  At 11:09 PM Blogger Uncle Lee said:
Hi NonyaPenang, I would like to take this opportunity to gratefully thank you for graciously inviting me to tumpang your 'house' and chat with you as well add in my 35 cents worth of 'chiak pah siaw eng' ramblings and cheong hei merepeks the past days. Thank you for the privilage.
As well kam siah lu seribu ribu for getting, motivating, inspiring me to have my own 'house'. You thus help me from yawning and boredom when my market goes into hibernation as well to bring back my memories of years gone by during the coming long Canadian winter months.
However, as you have awarded me a "PR" (Permenant Residence Card)I assure you I will pop in now and then...for old times sake. I Will certainly look forward to your visits to my 'house'. A chilled glass of Southern Comfort awaits you always. And to your many nice members in your Blog I now consider "my friends", feel free to pop over my place anytime to shoot the breeze. The bar is always open.
Once again, many thanks to you NonyaPenang, its been a real pleasure. This is Uncle Lee checking out with 21 Yellow Roses for you.
As Always...... UL.
  At 11:11 PM Blogger coolgardy said:
Your blog is really funny, made me laugh, keep it up and I will definitely be back here again! :)

ok that makes me wanto laugh too!!

kekekek...quite lame lerrrrr

btw...ur post is running to the bottom of the page wo...i gez its sth to do with ur template code :P
uncle lee,
aiyoh, mm sai khek khi la - kan kita semua ka khi lang? gua veli happy uncle finally decided to join gua merepek and i can assure you, there are many of my blogger frens who are just waiting to baca all your beautiful cerita. they all have been asking about you and i told them that uncle has been sacrificing sleep these past couple of days setting up his 'bungalow'.
and now, it's ready.

uncle mia PR here will stay unconditional. anytime, uncle, anytime....just indulge me.

thanks alot for being my fren.
and also kamsiah for the 21 yellow roses - i love them. ;)
**sayangzzzz and muaakss**

hi coolgardy,
thanks for your kind comments. do feel free to drop by anytime. ;)

pink cotton,
aikksss....something tak betul with my blog ah? nanti i suruh gua mia technician test-test. thanks for highlighting. ;)
  At 10:07 AM Anonymous suituapui said:
Elizabeth Lee? Got 1001 by that name lah! Use lah "suituapui" baru unuk sikit!!! What's Zam's full name? Zam-zam Ala-kazam??? LOL!
aiyoh, nasib baik dat fler neber say that name. if not gua terus cakap gua kenal itu cikgu. ;)