Merepek

Met up with F, an ex-colleague for tea yesterday. F left the office to be a domestic director(that's what she calls herself) about a year after I joined and we have since been keeping in touch, albeit infrequently.

When I decided to join another company in the sales line, I called F to let her know. I was expecting her to say something like "Congrats! Good for you! Go for it!" but I was mistaken. Instead, she gave me an earful about how foolish I was to give up a steady job with regular pay to go into something that I totally have no experience in and whether I realised how hard it is going to be for an old dog to learn new tricks and at a time where it's 'LAST IN, FIRST OUT' in the employment sector. She cannot for the life of her fathom why I risked rocking the boat.

BOOM! My confidence was so badly shaken and it just dropped to the ground. What she said hung over me like a big mass of dark clouds for the next few days and I felt really troubled and miserable. Self-doubt crept in. What if I stink in the new job and realise later that I hated it? Would I be able to get back to a desk job? Would I be able to face the competition in a tight job market? Should I just go and see my ex-employer now and ask to have my humdrum job back or should I just throw everything to the winds and look forward?

I thought long and hard. No, I don't hate the admin job; it was quite nice actually, working for a small cosy outfit of less than 10 staff who got along well with each other, had a boss who was not overly strict and maniacal and the best part was that the office was just a street away from my home.

Then why leave? Ahaa! I felt suffocated. I felt I was not learning anything new. I felt I was going no where. Na, those were mere intellectual excuses. The real clincher - my finances was in deficit position every month. What I earned was just enough to pay for the babysitters and I was usually left with a princely sum of not more than RM200 per month to cover my other personal expenses. Die lah like that. I gotta bring in more, more, more! So, cut out the rhetorics - just jump into it. If you never try, you'll never know.

Ya, F was right. It was so hard - so much to learn and follow and oftentimes I found myself banging on walls and feeling totally lost and defeated. I wanted my old job back; I missed my little blissful corner at the office. But this new one held a lure of a potentially bigger pay cheque and yes, I needed the moolah. So I stuck out the horrible and discomforting initiation and guess what? I am still alive!

Looking back, I am really thankful I made the move. I make a little more now to be able to afford the occasional treats and most importantly, I have learnt alot and am still learning. An old dog, eventhough a bit slow, can be taught new tricks.