Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Ego, perhaps

My friend Z paid a surprise visit to my office the other day and we then went for tea at a shop nearby. Due to our work schedules we seldom get to see each other, so it was really nice to sit down to have a good chat and exchange updates.

I got to know Z about 7 years ago when she was a new bride and expecting her first child. Z is one confident, sociable, attractive lady and a very brainy one too. And the husband is just the opposite - a man of few words and therefore socialising is a pain for him. Occasionally Z will complain about the husband to some of us and one fine day, she just told us that she's divorced. She never told the reason and neither did we probe. Another year or so after that, Z met T and after a whirlwind courtship, they married. We were very happy for both of them.

So when Z confided in me the other day that she is having some problems with T, I was surprised and concerned. She divulge that T has turned rather old towards her, something similar to what happened in the first marriage. She sensed that T is feeling very uncomfortable because she is climbing the corporate ladder faster than him and thus bringing in more dough. As much as T claimed that he is very proud of the wife, his actions and body language indicate otherwise. During petty disagreements, he will say something like, "Ya lah, everything also must follow what you say. I know lah, now naik pangkat oredi, now big manager, so must boss me around"

Z was hurt to the core. Her question is "Why does her man feel so threatened by a strong, capable and successful woman? Are all man like that?"

Ego, perhaps.
posted by nyonyapenang at 10:40 PM, |


  At 3:17 AM Blogger AceOne said:
Dear Nyonyapenang,
I'm sorry to hear abt your friend (Z's) problem. Z 's husband is jealous abt his wife achievements. This case in my opinion, both of them got to sit down and have a serious talk. What can a outsider do? This is husband & wife or rather family problem.

No, Not all mens are liddat wan.
  At 6:07 AM Blogger Kah Wee said:

I feel sorry for ur friend regarding the matter that she is facing now. All man are the same with a same kinda of mindset as this is part of the subset.

As an outsider like you, we can view the problem more clear as we are not part of the problem. So you can give ur friend some of good advice so she can have a better view and better solution to the problem. Like what Ace said, sit down and have a serious talk bout that. Sort out the problem and try to get understanding from the both parties. This is a very first step to conflict between two persons.
  At 9:46 AM Anonymous ah pek said:
haha!! if i got wife lidat, i pamper like a queen. then i can sit and goyang kaki and become a problogger. why that fella so stupid wan?
Aiyaa...some guys just wan ego and superiority. My say smae wit AhPek,so wat if ppl say i eat "nasi selipar"...I can always ask them can they do it?

As for Z case,can she refrain from getting promoted? No? then the problem is not on her side la.
aceone118, kah wee, ah pek & sotongking,
all u men right? good to hear your interesting views.
personally, i do sense that some men are a bit confused - they actually very attracted to brilliant and successful women but want them to be meek at the same time.
I had 2 friends who were in a similar position. Eventually broke up, cos the 'ego' issue was causing too much problems...
king's wife,
the saying 'love conquers all' - can't hold, ya?